Memoirs of the Dating Impaired

Just for clarification i wrote this some time ago as a way to laugh at myself. I hope no one takes this too seriously, i just thought i would share this for the humor's sake. I'm sure many of you can relate:)



What is wrong with a girl who can’t seem to figure this dating thing out? I think I’m fairly smart, successful young woman, but this dating thing has me in the remedial group. It’s hard, you have to read signals and then try to send the right signals and still be a strong, independent woman who can walk herself to the car but you better let that boy help you. How confusing for us who are the “dating impaired”. We don’t know what to do about anything.
Some may ask why would I share with all of you my great dating handicap. Well because I want others to know they are not alone and it is pretty darn funny. This dating thing totally sucks. We have books called Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, and Mars and Venus on a Date, and my personal favorite He’s Just Not That Into You. OUCH! Did we have to be so harsh? Well for the dating impaired, maybe. These books are meant to help but I fear I may be beyond it. We don’t get the signals that are so obviously there for others. Or maybe we are just so sick of the dating game that we try to overlook all of these signals that should tell us that he is not into you and only focus on the ones that say he is super, maybe even uber into you. I found this particular book one day at the bookstore after I had just come to the realization that some one was not that into me. A painful but necessary discovery. I hope one day I’ll learn to read those signals right.
It’s the worst! I hate figuring that out. I guess that it happens until you find mister right; but how do you do that? How do you get past being the dating impaired? I know that everyone struggles with their own particular challenges in life, but how do those of us struggling from this insidious handicap learn to over come it? It’s a struggle.
We have special non-profit organizations for all sorts of impairments and guess what we don’t have one for the dating impaired. We should. We are a sad, pathetic, unbelievably large group of individuals. Actually I think it is shocking how many people are able to avoid this social disability and move past dating and actually end up in long term, even permanent, possibly married relationships. How do they do this? Did I miss a class at some point along the way that explained all the rules? I think I must have. When did this class happen? It must have been in junior high school. I hated junior high. It must have been in my 7th grade science class with the weird, creepy science teacher who was hitting on the student teacher, and made everyone totally uncomfortable and the smelly kid who would play with his pens and spit on his notebook (seriously not kidding). So if this class, on “how not to be dating impaired”, was in junior high school then I must have totally closed my eyes to it.
If this handicap is genetically related than how did my parents end up together? I think it was a genetic mutation. And apparently my little brother was spared as well. How embarrassing to get, dare I say, good dating advice from a sibling who is almost a decade younger than you are!
I refer to myself as the dating impaired only to be politically correct. I first started to identify myself with this disability when I was at work discussing with some friends my most recent disaster and one of them just looked at me and said “you are a dating retard”. Slightly on the harsh side but undebatably true. These were some hard words to hear but as the saying goes “…and the truth shall make you free”. Now that I have identified myself as this I am much more open to fixing the problem. They say admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery. Wish me luck on my journey to recovery.

True Confessions

So i have decided that tonight is the night i will openly admit something that by some could be deemed as thoroughly embarassing, but that i am choosing to fully embrace. i have read and loved all four of the Twilight books. Now this admission may cause some of you to stop and rethink our friendship, i hope you can forgive me and love me despite this great flaw. I can't help myself. so many people were reading them and i was in desperate need of something a little less intellectual than my most recent of reading choices (namely The Audacity of Hope by Barack Obama, and Three Cups of Tea) and once i started it was all over. I was hooked. I told Melissa that i couldn't stop and she said "i know, they are like literary crack". Melissa, i couldn't agree more.

Now for those of you unfamiliar with these books they are just your classic teenage human girl falls for amazing, hot teeage vampire boy who wants her blood more than anyone other humans but he has a moral and ethical dillema to killing humans. oh yeah and she is the great love of his life. Just a sweet story and totally plausible;)

To make matters worse i am now excited for the movie to come out this November, and i really shouldn't be. We all know it won't be as good as the book, but i can't help myself i have been "bitten" (sorry it is almost 4 am and i couldn't stop myself) by the Twilight bug.

So for those of you who haven't read them, and are looking for some good literary crack that won't make you think too hard, i suggest Twilight, New Moon, Eclispe, and Breaking Dawn for a weeks worth of reading pleasure.

Okay, sorry I'm slow

so i realized tonight sitting here are work with some time on my hands that i had never noticed if anyone had commented on my blog. i'm not so good at this "technology" stuff and i just assumed that no one really cared that much about my boring little life. so i found that some of you sweet people had commented on some of my postings, so i would like to say thanks and clear a few things up.

Melissa you are more than welcome to come to sunday worship with my family but be warned it involves a whole weekend with these people and i'm not even sure i want to be there. also it only happens once a year so you'll have to wait until next august.

Kenz, don't worry i never sent out an email and left you out of it. i did post the link on my facebook page, but until the "sunday worship" post i never had any pictures so there really was nothing to look at, but now you know and you can keep up with my life.

Hartley, I miss you guys and i'll see you in september!

Emily, i miss johnny sooooooo much!! i have to come see him soon. life just got away from me.

so now i feel i have caught ever one up, and i can rest easy until there is something else to write about soon.

Sunday Worship

This last weekend was my families annual trip to the washington coast. This tradition started way back when my mom was still in high school and has continued to this day. we have at times called it a family reunion, which is deceiving considering we all live within 20 minutes of each other, but it helps outsiders know that it is all of my mom's siblings and their families that join in the fun. For those of you not familiar with the washington coast may think that we go to the beach for some sun, surf and relaxation. WRONG! nine times out of 10 there is no sun just clouds and sometimes rain. like this year for example. we saw the sun on rare occasions and we had lots of rain, that limited the amount of activities available to us. but with the olympics starting and plenty of board games we managed to have a good time.

The trip traditionaly starts on friday morning when we leave for the 3-4 hour drive to the coast, with the compulsary stop at mcdonalds in raymond, washington. And concludes on monday with the return trip and another compulsary mcdonalds stop. this is really the only time i ever stop at mcdonalds. The weekend is mostly unscheduled except for dinner which is eaten together as a large family and the traditional sunday worship of go-carts. that's right i said go-carts. for some of you this may come as a shock that my family, devoutly mormon, would participate in such an activity, well, what can i say? we all have our weaknesses. For the most part it is a male bonding ritual in our family but every year one or two girls join in on the fun. And as menfolk are added to this motely crue they are encouraged to join as well. several years agoi decided to hang with the boys and had a blast but really once in 5-10 years is really all i need of this noisy ritual. this year i just stood by the fence and captured the excitement on film as they raced around the track. I've enclosed some pictures so you all can experience the fun with me.

The top picture is of my uncle gary, my brother charlie and my dad in a collision, then next one is of my dad pacing the warning sign. i'm pretty sure they break every rule on there. I love my mom cheering my dad and brother on. she is our best cheerleader! and then the serious faces of charlie and my dad as the race around the track.

so here it is a little insight to my family!