Memoirs of the Dating Impaired

Just for clarification i wrote this some time ago as a way to laugh at myself. I hope no one takes this too seriously, i just thought i would share this for the humor's sake. I'm sure many of you can relate:)



What is wrong with a girl who can’t seem to figure this dating thing out? I think I’m fairly smart, successful young woman, but this dating thing has me in the remedial group. It’s hard, you have to read signals and then try to send the right signals and still be a strong, independent woman who can walk herself to the car but you better let that boy help you. How confusing for us who are the “dating impaired”. We don’t know what to do about anything.
Some may ask why would I share with all of you my great dating handicap. Well because I want others to know they are not alone and it is pretty darn funny. This dating thing totally sucks. We have books called Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, and Mars and Venus on a Date, and my personal favorite He’s Just Not That Into You. OUCH! Did we have to be so harsh? Well for the dating impaired, maybe. These books are meant to help but I fear I may be beyond it. We don’t get the signals that are so obviously there for others. Or maybe we are just so sick of the dating game that we try to overlook all of these signals that should tell us that he is not into you and only focus on the ones that say he is super, maybe even uber into you. I found this particular book one day at the bookstore after I had just come to the realization that some one was not that into me. A painful but necessary discovery. I hope one day I’ll learn to read those signals right.
It’s the worst! I hate figuring that out. I guess that it happens until you find mister right; but how do you do that? How do you get past being the dating impaired? I know that everyone struggles with their own particular challenges in life, but how do those of us struggling from this insidious handicap learn to over come it? It’s a struggle.
We have special non-profit organizations for all sorts of impairments and guess what we don’t have one for the dating impaired. We should. We are a sad, pathetic, unbelievably large group of individuals. Actually I think it is shocking how many people are able to avoid this social disability and move past dating and actually end up in long term, even permanent, possibly married relationships. How do they do this? Did I miss a class at some point along the way that explained all the rules? I think I must have. When did this class happen? It must have been in junior high school. I hated junior high. It must have been in my 7th grade science class with the weird, creepy science teacher who was hitting on the student teacher, and made everyone totally uncomfortable and the smelly kid who would play with his pens and spit on his notebook (seriously not kidding). So if this class, on “how not to be dating impaired”, was in junior high school then I must have totally closed my eyes to it.
If this handicap is genetically related than how did my parents end up together? I think it was a genetic mutation. And apparently my little brother was spared as well. How embarrassing to get, dare I say, good dating advice from a sibling who is almost a decade younger than you are!
I refer to myself as the dating impaired only to be politically correct. I first started to identify myself with this disability when I was at work discussing with some friends my most recent disaster and one of them just looked at me and said “you are a dating retard”. Slightly on the harsh side but undebatably true. These were some hard words to hear but as the saying goes “…and the truth shall make you free”. Now that I have identified myself as this I am much more open to fixing the problem. They say admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery. Wish me luck on my journey to recovery.